California Dreamin

Over reading week Josh and I went to California. We drove hours and hours and hours in an effort to find the sun, and find it we did. We sat on beaches, we stood on top of hills, we went Disneyland, we toured Hearst Castle, we walked on piers, we found a perfect little cafe in Monterey, and we got engaged! It was a good trip.

Here is a picture:


California was perfect, and exactly what I/we needed. Winter is increasingly difficult for me, and I needed to see the sun. And who doesn’t love beaches? Beaches are great.

As I said, we got engaged, and it was simple and beautiful and perfect, and we didn’t tell anyone until we got back into Canada a few days later. We were around halfway through a very long driving day when we crossed the border, and we started calling people to tell them. It was a very joyful couple of hours. It made a very long driving day seem much shorter, and I did a lot of gazing lovingly at Josh. We get to get married! We get to be married! I’m excited and happy.

As soon as we started telling people we also started fielding questions of what our date is, where we plan to get married, what our plans are afterward, etc, etc, etc. There are a lot of things to do. We’re also going to be looking for a place to live and he’s got big work things and I have grad school and weddings are expensive and suddenly I was feeling stressed and overwhelmed. Suddenly instead of just doing school I’m also planning a wedding and looking for summer work and looking for a house and figuring out health things and and and and and. I’d rather not be more anxious than I usually am about this. My baseline anxiety is already high. I might not be able to work this summer and I feel a bit weird about it.

BUT all this anxiety and overwhelm doesn’t extend to actually being married. When I think about being married to Josh it feels right and good. “Feels” doesn’t seem like the correct word there. I am entirely aware that marriage involves work and growth and self sacrifice, and I don’t mean that when I look to the future I see 100% roses and lollipops 100% of the time. Being with Josh makes me a better person. He brings out the best in me and challenges me and encourages me. We’re a team. I’m so looking forward to life together.

We just gotta plan a wedding. And you know what? It’ll be stressful some of the time and fun some of the time and I think the fun will outweigh the stress and at the end of it we’ll be married.

I love me some research, and in my wedding planning research I came across someone (wish I could remember where it was) saying that planning a wedding is like a microcosm of what being married is like. You set priorities, you deal with money, you juggle family, you make some compromises, you field outside expectations, you deal with traditional gender roles, you make some big decisions, and etc. I like thinking about it this way. I’m excited about planning this wedding. I’m excited about working together with Josh. I love him now and I get to learn to love him more and better and differently all the time.

I have a feeling I might write about wedding things a lot until it comes.

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