Garden

I have many things to write to you about – mostly my convocation and Xavier Rudd – but here we are with another garden update.

Josh and I have been digging, digging, digging in the front, and on Canada Day we planted a small and promising tree. Before driving out to the garden centre to get our tree, we made as much room as we could in the car, and concluded that we could get a tree eight feet tall and still be able to close the back of the car and therefore drive safely home. We looked at all the trees and decided that we wanted a Japanese lilac, which will grow to about 15 feet tall and wide, and has lovely white flowers in late spring but which doesn’t set seed, so there’s no concern with it spreading itself around.  We planted it in the end of the new bed we’ve been painstakingly digging out (it is so much easier to say “this year we’ll dig out all this turf and then build up the soil to extend the front bed” than to actually do it), and every time I look at it I feel joyful. It’s a very small tree, and will take a long time to grow, but I love it. We staked it to give it support against the wind, and have bee keeping it well watered, and it seems to be feeling healthy and happy.

I’m slowly finishing and filling the rest of the front bed. I’ve added several wheelbarrows full of better soil, and done a great deal of soil loosening and quack grass root removing, and am trying to make the garden inhospitable to ants. Josh’s parents came for a visit this past weekend, and they brought a wealth of plants (irises! day lilies! sweet woodruff! false spirea! so much more!), which in addition to my giant goats beard, peony, scabia, globe thistle, lavender, and spurge makes for a well-stoked garden bed. At the moment it’s looking sparse and freshly planted, but I’m confident it’ll fill itself out. In September there’s a perennial swap in my community, and I’m hoping to get some good plants from there as well.

My veg patch is thriving, and things are going nicely in the raised bed we built, and of course the weeds are loving it too even though I feel like I’m constantly weeding.  I’ve got tiny, adorable cucumelons growing, despite my not giving them something proper to climb and them just clambering up the neighbouring tomatilla instead. I’m learning about what each plant needs, and how to better care for all of them, and I’m being rewarded by things like seeing my goji berry bush finally beginning to thrive, or adding things from the garden into our meals. It’s still early in the season for most of the veggies, but we’ve been eating a modest amount of strawberries, radishes, and tomatoes. It’s not all going perfectly however, I’ve pulled up some radishes that were going to seed, only to discover the evidence of cabbage/radish fly larva, and went on to discover that all the root crops in the main veg patch were toast. It was discouraging to pull up plant after plant, but I also know the other plants will be happy to have some extra space. I underestimated how large everything would get when I planted out the babies in the spring. The tomatoes could do with more breathing room (and more support, oops), and the sunflowers are slowly taking over. But now that I’ve pulled the ruined root crops out, there’s more space for everyone else.

The raised bed is pretty crowded, and I’ve found root maggots in there as well. Next year I’m thinking I’ll plant more things like chard and fennel (which are both doing splendidly) and I won’t do as many radishes, turnips, and rutabaga. I have a very tiny squash on one of the plants in there, and while I know that a single squash won’t exactly keep us fed through the winter, I’m very glad to see it there. In the main bed my peas are continuously producing, my pumpkins vines both have small pumpkins growing on them, and I keep finding more and more tomatoes.

I’ve found myself thinking of what I can do next year: what to plant, what to do differently, new things to try, on and on and on. The pumpkins I planted this year keep getting dirty and weighed down, I’ll mulch them nicely next season so they don’t get so splashed with mud. The strawberries are growing well but the berries keep getting icky before I pick them, next year I also need to mulch them with straw before they start to fruit. The tomatoes in the ground are doing much better than the tomatoes in pots, maybe I’ll dedicate a whole corner of the garden or build a new raised bed for them next year, and grow something else in the pots. The hanging baskets are looking so great, even if they’re a bit behind the rest of the garden; next year I’ll make sure to plant them up a bit before the last frost so the seeds germinate sooner. I’ve been looking at grow lights and figuring out my plan for starting things in the spring, I’ve been adding things to the compost and turning it regularly, we’ve built a turf stack and are waiting for it to become loamy and lovely, I’ve bought plants and soil additives that I didn’t know existed until the last couple of years, and my heart is soaring. I have lilies and poppies and delphinium blooming in full force, and it makes me so happy.

The indoor plant collection has also grown, and now includes a fig tree, a banana plant, a small tropical terrarium, a couple different kinds of pilea, and – most exciting of all – two lithops/living stone plants. I hope to coax them both into flowering, so that I can pollinate them and hopefully end up with some seeds. My spider plants are once again sending out as many babies as they can muster, so anytime you want a new plant, just let me know.

 

 

Imprinted.

I often attach memories to music. It is not uncommon to remember a memory when hearing a song, or to think of a song when I think of a memory. But often it is transient and requires me to be in a reflective mood to actually pull the memories up. I can easily just listen to the music without recalling. But with some songs, I have memories burned so deeply into them that I cannot hear the song without actually reliving an entire memory in my head every single time I hear it.

Music has always been very important to me and I have always seemed to use it to connect to and relate my emotions. So it makes sense that sometimes it would be a vessel for strong memories. Sometimes mundane things that I wouldn’t normally remember become burned into my memory because of their attachment to a song or an album. Sometimes it is the first time I hear a particular song and whatever I happen to be doing becomes ingrained, other times it is a song I have known for a long time that becomes associated with a memorable event. I am sure this happens to everyone? It must. Anyways, I thought I would share a few of these imprinted music memories with you.

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Yeah – Usher

I am in grade eight and on a basketball trip. I am in a nondescript hotel room and it is the first time I have ever watched MTV. This song is brand new and plays over and over. MTV is always on in our hotel rooms and I watch this video multiple times every weekend as we travel from tournament to tournament. I’m going to embed the video because the music video is part of the memory. When the song starts now, I see Usher alone on that dark dance floor with those lights behind him and Ludacris in that bucket hat.

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Waiting on an Angel – Ben Harper

I am a camper and Caleb is singing this song. He tells me about Ben Harper. Alex is in my cabin and we ask him to sing Waiting on an Angel every time we see him.

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The Parting Glass 

It is dark and I think we are in the sauna and I am in PIT and Lewis is singing.

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Me vs Madonna vs Elvis – Brand New

I am at camp and Jesse is singing. Molly and Joannah are there and we don’t know the name of the song so we call it the sad song. Joannah doesn’t like the sad song, but Molly and I keep asking Jesse to sing it. He always does.

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I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing – Aerosmith

I am directing a camp for the first time and a cabin sings this song at the talent show. They pull me and Amy up to the front and sing it to us. We are extremely suspicious of their intentions and at the end of the song they pour cupfuls of glitter on us and it takes me days if not weeks to get it out of my hair.

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Hands Down – Dashboard Confessional

I am driving in a car with Amy and we are screaming this song at the top of our lungs.

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Fast Car – Tracy Chapman

Glynis and I are singing this song at a coffee house or talent show of some sort. It does not go well. There are too many words and we have not practiced enough. When I think that maybe I want to sing in front of people, this is the memory I pull up to remind myself I don’t.

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Lies – Chvrches

I am driving to the mill with my brother and it is very early but there is a beautiful sunrise and the bottoms of all the clouds are pink. He introduces me to Chvrches, they are new and only have a few songs out. We listen to this song often.

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Moles – The Courage

I am at a little outdoor amphitheatre at a small college in Spokane and it is my 23rd birthday. I am seeing Noah Gundersen for the first time and I am standing at the front and he is so close and I can’t believe I am there. I am so entirely and perfectly happy and he plays this song. I have never heard it before and it is beautiful.

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Undone – The Sweater Song – Weezer

I am in COLTS and Josh sings this song every single time he puts on, takes off, or is wearing a sweater of any kind. I am sure it was not quite as often as my memory tells me, but seriously, in my memory he is ALWAYS singing it.

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Bronte – Gotye

I live in Lethbridge and am going to the University. My roommate shows me the music video for this song and tells me it made her cry. I am having trouble sleeping so I make a playlist that is just this song five times in a row and then I listen to it on repeat until I finally fall asleep.

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Closer – Tegan and Sara

Glynis and I are at a Towers and Trees show in the basement of a bar in Calgary. They play a cover of this song and we dance. The lead singer is dancing in the crowd and now I can never hear this song without thinking it needs more tambourine.

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Broken Song – Towers and Trees

I am laying in the shade at the back of Annex Park in Fernie half asleep in the afternoon. Wapiti is going on and Haley and I are taking a break from the sun. This song gets to the bridge and we both wake up and slowly sit up and fumble for the schedule to find out who is making this beautiful noise. We go and meet them when the set is done and the lead singer is very nice.

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Words in the Water – Thrice

It is 2012 and I am leading PIT. Sami is singing.

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I Could Have Been Your Girl – She & Him

I am driving along the north coast of Tasmania. The ocean is on my left and is so close. The sun is shining and I am peaceful and happy.

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Dust Bowl Dance – Mumford and Sons

I am in the basement of the sawmill by the head end of the 1085 belt. I am sweeping the concrete in a dark corner around a waste conveyor.

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Two – Ryan Adams

I am sitting in the living room and my brother is teaching me how to play a song with him on the guitar. I don’t really know the song while he is teaching me, but then we play it and it is this song.

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San Antonio Fading – Noah Gundersen

I am driving by myself in my car, I think somewhere between Cranbrook and the Crowsnest Pass, and even though I have heard this song a hundred times I listen to it and it makes me cry.

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Friday – Rebecca Black/Glee

I am in Graham’s old civic. We both live and work at camp and we are driving into town to help with youth group. It is Friday. We only listen to the Glee version because it is this weird thing where there is a combination of two things that we don’t really like (Glee + Friday) that makes a thing we like. There are often lenticular clouds.

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Thunder – Imagine Dragons

I am in Vancouver with my dad watching the Maori All Blacks. I am excited, more excited than I thought I’d be when I bought the tickets. The All Blacks crush Canada and I love every minute of it.

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The Calling – The Killers

I am in the TSB Bank Arena in Wellington and the band has just come out for the encore and Brandon is wearing a ridiculously shiny golden suit. I am covered in confetti and streamers and I am perfectly happy.

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New Slang – The Shins

I am in Wellington by myself walking down Courtenay Place. It is busy and I have my headphones in. People are swarming and weaving around me and it feels like I am in an indie movie.

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Occasionally an entire album has a distinct and vivid memory attached.

Hybrid Theory – Linkin Park

I am 10 years old. I just got a new discman and I am using it to play this cd over and over and over while I do my paper route. I listen to the same cd every single day. When Papercut starts I can actually see the sidewalk and the houses on my old street.

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A Fever You Can’t Sweat Out – Panic! At The Disco

It is 2010. I am in my first semester at the U of L and I am taking Biomechanics. The final is worth a very large percentage of my final grade and it is not a particularly easy class. I close myself off in the basement of the library for a full week to try and study. I listen to this album for the first time and then listen to it incessantly for the entire week.

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Goodnight – William Fitzsimmons

I am in Tasmania. I listen to this album while I am falling asleep every night.

Two Healthcare Anecdotes

I have had recurring shoulder pain for about five years now, to the degree that, when it’s really bad, I have to screw my courage to the sticking place and grit my teeth to do things like open car doors, change my shirt, or do any kind of reaching/pushing/pulling. It’s not always that bad, sometimes it pretty much goes away, and sometimes it’s just a dull ache, and sometimes it only hurts when I make a big, sudden motion, but when it’s bad it’s awful. Recently it has been bad all the time. There wasn’t a big injury that started all of this off, I think my joints were just fatigued.

When it first started, I was confused and in pain for about a week before making a short-notice appointment at my doctor’s office, and since they don’t do walk-in appointments the receptionist asked if I wanted to see a doctor other than my usual doctor, as she was booked pretty solid. My shoulder hurt so much that I would gasp and almost cry every time I had to use it to get out of my car, so I said yes. On the day of my appointment, the (male) doctor moved my arms around, but didn’t do tests other than looking at my range of motion. I explained that it didn’t hurt when he moved my arm in circle, it hurt when I moved it in an outward motion, but he didn’t ask me to show him the painful motion, and didn’t feel my shoulder joint, and he seemed annoyed with me that I had come in and had an alright range of motion. He said, “it’s inflamed, take an ibuprofen,” and left the exam room.

On Thursday I went to the doctor again. Between my first appointment and my second one, the shoulder pain had escaped the bounds of my left shoulder and had begun to affect my right shoulder as well. If my left started hurting, I knew it was only a matter of time before my right started hurting just as the left eased up. It was an unpleasant cycle of shoulder distress. In the past year or so, my right shoulder got worse and worse and worse while my left remained at about the same level of bad. On the day of my appointment, my (female) doctor felt my shoulder joints, asked about the nature of the pain, asked me to show her the painful movements, demonstrated where I had weakness in my arms by having me push against her arms, had me show her my range of motion beyond doing arm circles, and when I said “that hurt right here,” pointing at a spot on my shoulder joint, she said, “it’s your bursa in your joint that’s causing you trouble, you pointed right at it.” She told me that I have tendinitis in my left shoulder and bursitis in my right shoulder. And then, she said that for the bursitis she recommended a steroid injection, and if I went down to the pharmacy to get it, she could do the shot right now. I left my appointment with two actual diagnoses, and a freshly jabbed shoulder joint, and an exhortation to go the physio.

When women talk about not being believed by healthcare professionals, it extends beyond reproductive health and into the rest of the body. I was so hurt and upset by the first appointment and the irritated “it’s inflamed” comment, so anxious that I had overreacted to my own pain, so put off by the interaction, that it took me five years to talk to a doctor about it again. I decided that I must just be being a baby, and the doctor made it pretty clear that I had just wasted his time, so it seemed better to me to just live with severe shoulder pain which has affected my life in a myriad of ways rather than hear another “you have inflammation, take an ibuprofen” from a doctor who didn’t care about me or believe me.

It took a long time (and a traumatic IUD experience) to build enough trust with my doctor to ask her about my shoulders. It had to get to the point where my right shoulder hurt all the time, and I would be icing it and taking painkillers multiple times a week. I played down how much it hurt to myself and to Josh, and didn’t mention it to many other people. I broke down crying Thursday night, overwhelmed by the feeling of being believed and being told that I was right, there is a serious problem, and that I know my body well enough to say “this is where it hurts, and this is how”. I’m imagining my life with a shoulder that isn’t constantly in pain, and it’s a marked improvement.

The thing is, this isn’t the only pair of healthcare stories I have where a male doctor dismissed my knowledge of my own body and didn’t believe me, and where I had to build up trust for years to even mention the same, continuing issue to my doctor. I know I’m not the only woman who has these stories, and while I also understand that having a doctor who is a woman when you’re a woman isn’t a universal cure-all, still, if you have a uterus, I cannot recommend finding and going to a doctor who also has a uterus highly enough.