In one week I will turn thirty, and I’m in a reminiscent mood. It feels like a good time to post this small reflection I wrote back in August.
Josh and I spent our anniversary driving from Fernie to Edmonton after a week of holidaying throughout Saskatchewan and BC. We were both happy to be going home, and after a week of being social, we had a rather quiet drive. We stopped in Calgary to get a few more plants and have some lemonade at Josh’s parents, but other than that and some quick stops for gas and to switch drivers, we just sat quietly in each other’s company.
It has been a very good year. While the winter found me mired in anxiety and mental health troubles, and there hasn’t been a lack of the slings and arrows that flesh is heir to, I can still confidently say that my life is made better by being with Josh. His kindness and gentleness are wearing off on me, and I find myself looking at things in a more charitable light — or at least noticing when I’m not. Josh is more patient than I am, and more methodical, and our strengths and styles compliment one another and make both of us better.
I’m learning more and more how to ask for what I need. Sometimes my brain will launch itself into an anxiety spiral with only the smallest bit of provocation, and working on explaining these bouts to Josh has made me more aware of my sensitive points and more able to ask him for help. We vowed to ask each other for help, and to help each other. We grow steadily better at communicating with each other, and more responsive to each other.
Josh feels like home to me.